Reading List for Communicating on the Infinite Untamed Paths
Recently at a sleepover with friends,¹ we oscillated between talking about hidden talents, favorite childhood shows, and the distance between the world we live in now, and the liberated world we want to live in. We currently occupy (are occupied by?) the world of late-stage capitalism and global climate change made worse by systems of oppression. But there is that other world that we occasionally glimpse into, where we are all able to bloom and grow in the ways that feel good to us, where community care is the norm, and where our systems and institutions are designed to cultivate belonging, safety, curiosity, and brave spaces.
Of course, there is no absolute arrival point. The infinite distance between here and there is made up of parallel and diverging paths, some that are tamed and others that have yet to be traveled. It’s along these paths where we learn more about what we want and need, figure out what works and doesn’t. There is so much that lies in that never ending distance: principled struggle², dismantling, frustration, and mourning are just a few, but there is also joy, pleasure, deep love, and the exciting generative process of building structures and systems that ensure each person gets to thrive.
Traversing that distance can feel daunting. The parallel and diverging paths are sometimes hospitable, mostly not, but they are spotted with the refuges that we build together and that were built before us. These are the places where we can pause, cultivate relationships and community, bring our full selves, give each other grace, and create space for healing. These are the spaces where we practice the tools we need to travel further down the unknown paths together.
In addition to every single skill we have between us, the journey requires emotional intelligence, self awareness, and communication skills that many of us did not grow up learning. These vital skills are ones that we must intentionally develop together to help us all fumble toward healing and repair and toward a world of liberation.
Here is a reading list for cultivating these skills within ourselves and between each other, a mere sliver of the resources out there, in no particular order. Some are books, others are blog posts or speeches. Each is followed by a quote that resonated with me. Maybe they will resonate with you too. See you on the untamed path soon.
Undrowned: Black Feminist Lessons from Marine Mammals by Alexis Pauline Gumbs | “I took my cue from the many marine mammals who echolocate. I had to focus not on what I could see and discern, but instead on where I was in relation, how the sound bouncing off me in relationship to the structures and environments that surround me locates me in a constantly shifting relationship to you, whoever you are by now.”
4 Parts of Accountability: How to Give a Genuine Apology Part 1 by Mia Mingus, whose whole blog is excellent | “If we are not going to rely on police, prisons or the courts, then we are the ones who will have to address things such as domestic violence, sexual assault, rape, murder, stalking, child abuse and child sexual abuse. If we cannot handle the small things between us, how will we be able to handle the big things? Learning how to address these smaller hurts or breaks in trust, can help us learn the basic skills we need to address larger harms. It can also help to reduce and prevent larger forms of harm and violence (e.g. hurt becoming conflict, conflict becoming harm, harm becoming violence).”
Decolonizing Non-Violent Communication by Meenadchi | “A key point of decolonizing non-violent communication (NVC) is developing the discernment to know when we are communicating from a place of trauma versus when we are communicating from a place of alignment and connecting. Decolonizing NVC invites us to reimagine our bodies as our best friend, to observe where and when we disconnect from ourselves, and to navigate new ways of coming home - both to ourselves and to the communities we love to serve.”
We Will Not Cancel Us and Other Dreams of Transformative Justice by adrienne maree brown | “I want us to let go of the narrowness of innocence, widen our understanding of how harm moves through us. I want us to see individual acts of harm as symptoms of systemic harm, and to do what we can to collectively dismantle the systems and get as many of us free as possible[...] I want us to see the difference between the human and the disease, to see what we are afraid of, in others and in ourselves, and discern a path that actually addresses the root of our justified fears[...] I want to feel like we are responsible for each other’s transformation. Not the transformation from vibrant flawed humans to bits of ash, but rather the transformation from broken people and communities to whole ones.”
Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change, Changing Worlds, also by adrienne maree brown | “There is always enough time for the right work. There is a conversation in the room that only these people at this moment can have. Find it.”
All About Love by bell hooks | “Awakening to love can happen only as we let go of our obsession with power and domination.”
Braving the Wilderness by Brené Brown | “Don’t pretend that everything’s okay. That’s not loyalty or love, that’s fear[...] One of the most courageous things to say in an uncomfortable conversation is ‘tell me more.’ Exactly when we want to turn away and change the topic. [...] Help me understand why this is so important to you, or help me understand why you don’t agree with a particular idea.”
The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action by Audre Lorde | “I was going to die, if not sooner than later, whether or not I had ever spoken myself. My silences had not protected me. Your silence will not protect you.”
Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child by Thich Nhat Hanh | “Mindfulness helps us to know whether we’re producing the right thing for the future, and helps us remember that what we produce is us, is our continuation.”
———————
¹ Yes, I’m in my 30s and we had a sleepover with piles of blankets and pillows on the floor, pizza, Disney channel originals and all. I highly encourage you to revisit the things you enjoyed as a kid with the presence of mind that adulthood brings and see how it feels. Pleasure and joy do not even begin to describe it. Thanks to each of you for sharing your brilliance and inspiring me to write this blog.
² From adrienne maree brown’s op-ed, A Call to Liberation: To Build Abundant Justice, Let’s Focus on What Matters: ”This way of understanding principled struggle works as an attention-focusing device. We live in a nation that is both pro-war and conflict avoidant. It’s hard to learn how to be in righteous disagreement without either repressing our differences or trying to destroy each other. But principled struggle offers us another way, a way to struggle in which we are not being conflict avoidant, or conflict aggressive, but rather engaging in generative conflict, conflict that grows each of us and that creates more possibilities for what we can do in the world together. When we put our attention on conflict and difference in this way, it allows us to grow our capacity to be in integrity and unity with each other.”
